Having difficult conversations

At Croner, we know that having difficult conversations at work is never enjoyable, but sometimes necessary for the prosperity of your staff and business.

Difficult conversations at work can range from a great deal of topics; from disciplinaries, to termination of contracts, to simple heart to hearts over personal issues. No matter the situation, we understand that it can be challenging to find the right words to get your point across clearly, whilst also being respectful to the employee.

Whilst unpleasant, they are often crucial that these conversations take place. Research conducted last year found that workplace conflict costs UK businesses £30bn a year.

Croner are ready to support you when it comes to your people management – call our team today on 0808 501 6651.

Prepare on how to have difficult conversations 

The first rule that you should consider is not to dive into any difficult conversations with your employees headfirst without good preparation. Schedule a meeting in good time that gives you enough time to prepare what you need to discuss.

After you have your meeting in place, you should consider what your desired outcome should be first. For example, if your employee is having issues with their line manager, for example, ask yourself the question:

• “What will get them back on the same page?”

It’s a good idea to brainstorm a few solutions that could help you with workplace mediation, and to note them down. The eventual solution may not look like what you’ve noted down, but at least you can begin with a reference point. Do not force a resolution on the individual, as this will lead to resentment and further confrontation.

Once you have your desired outcome and thought of approaching problem solving with your employee, you can run-through the conversation and highlight the main points that will be discussed. You could also start to think of questions such as:

• ‘What could their objections be?’
• ‘What are some concessions you could make?’
• ‘How can we discuss in an effective and calm manner?’

You should then schedule the meeting to discuss the breakdown of the points you’ll bring up. Try to also keep any email correspondence between you both neutral, clear and factual, without emotive language. This will set the right tone as being professional rather than emotional (which might result in negative results).

Managing difficult conversations at work 

You’ve set up a meeting and prepared thoroughly for what you’re going to say. What comes next?

Once the meeting has begun, start by outlining the purpose of the meeting to the individual, highlighting the pre-planned talking points one-by-one. Remember, this should be a discussion, not a lecture. If you’re doing all the talking, take a step back and allow them to speak. The same applies if they’re talking at you without a chance for you to respond.

You should finalise the meeting with some clear actions, and don’t leave the meeting without at least one thing you can both go away and work on. If not, you haven’t found a resolution and have just allowed the employee to vent their frustrations.

The employee should help build the action plan moving forward too and avoid assigning blame to them or yourself. Leave the meeting with a solution or, at the very least, steps you can take to improve the situation going forward.

Finally, make sure you follow up on the meeting after it has taken place. There may be new problems that arise, or the employee can fall back into old patterns. Regularly checking in will help you keep track of how things are progressing.

How to have difficult conversations 

Emotion is probably the biggest issue when having difficult conversations. If you express too much emotion, you risk escalating the issue. If you express too little emotion, you could come across as cold and uncaring. The key is to stay calm and acknowledge how the employee is feeling.

This doesn’t necessarily mean you should accept or agree with what they are saying. You should always acknowledge the employee’s point of view, as this will make them feel heard. But, if they’re saying something that isn’t accurate or viable, you should express that. Remember, it’s not your place to get overly emotional but stick to facts and figures.

It can be good to allow the individual to vent during difficult conversations at work. They may have been carrying a lot on their shoulders, and this is their chance to express them to you. However, you shouldn’t allow this to derail the meeting. Allow them to speak and then calmly reorient the conversation. Only provide information where necessary, as a lengthy policy explanation at this stage is unlikely to have a positive effect.

It’s also a good idea to be accompanied during the meeting for a second opinion. You can bounce ideas and thoughts off them too which can be beneficial on getting further insight into the situation.

If the individual has mental health issues, you should be accompanied by a mental health professional or mental health first aider.

Following up on difficult conversations and conflict resolution

Following up on what you’ve discussed is crucial to the success of your meeting. Keeping track of challenging conversations is key when considering how to progress the issue. In fact, it’s a good idea to make notes on all meetings, not just those that are challenging. 

To follow up, schedule a meeting a week or two in advance and take the time in between the two meetings to reflect on what was discussed. If you feel the conversation has had an emotional impact on you personally, prioritise your mental health. Take a walk. Speak to someone about the experience. Practice breathing exercises. Utilise an EAP, or seek out a mental health professional to talk to.

In the follow-up meeting, review the action points you came up with in the last meeting, evaluate their success and find out if the employee’s feelings have changed. If there are still lasting concerns, it’s a good time to brainstorm new solutions.  

Don’t handle challenging conversations alone

Every employer will have to deal with difficult conversations at some point or another. Whilst unpleasant, often they are something you will need to learn how to manage. Luckily, it’s not something you’ll have to manage on your own.

We offer free, in-person events and webinars on HR and health and safety near you. Check out our events page to get involved in our upcoming events. 

Croner’s expert HR consultants provide support advice 24/7, 365 days a year. They can also accompany you to your employee meetings or even conduct them on your behalf. We’re ready to step in and support you, so give our knowledgeable team a call now on 0808 501 6651.